Tuesday, December 29, 2009 { Tuesday, December 29, 2009 }

; Yes & for the first time .. One whole post will go to you.
Thank you for breaking my stitched heart.
; I guess nothing could keep this love alive.

; I love you enough to let you go.
It`s killing me inside .
You doing this is really killing me inside.
I can hear my heart literally dropping.

; HE LEFT MY LIFE ; OH YES.

He ignores my messages , now he is avoiding answering my questions.
; and he started avoiding/ignoring me.
I hardly can concentrate on anything.
I don`t know what to do anymore.
I know everything that happened that day , i know about your conversation with your friends.
It doesn`t matter where we take this right ? ; you are never gonna want to be with me .
You are afraid , your messages were lies i guess.
Remember all those things we wanted ? ; now all our memories are haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.
I know you are probably thinking , i hurt her again .
Nopes , this time i hurt myself ..
My tears , my blood , everything i shed for you ..
Never one moment in these 6 days you cared.
You thought to yourself " ah , heck this girl la ". Thank you (:
You are letting go of this now , not me.
I did all that i could to save this .. But it didn`t work ..
You didn`t want it to work , so you probably made a plan to ignore me ..
To torture me .
& you called me heartless ? ; i doubt it`s me who is .
You seriously can`t even be bothered sia .
You wanna show me you are strong ? ; i kind of know you are not.
I didn`t want us to burn out ; didn`t come here to hurt you ..
Now i can`t stop . I want you to know ; I love you.
And i have done almost everything i can to be with you .
But it was one side.
Looking at you makes it harder ; but i know that you`ll find another
that doesn`t always make you wanna cry. Perfect couldn`t keep this love alive.
you could not have loved me any better , but i want you to move on .
So i`m already gone.

I was just reading through all our msgs .
Each and every single one (:
What sweet memories , the way we msged , the way we fought.
Haks , it sucks to know that now its no longer gonna be like that.
Boyy , i still remember the day , the date and the time i told you i liked you.
1st December 1.59am.
I have read all 858 messages i`ve sent you & all 852 messages you`ve sent me ever since we`ve known each other.
Thanks for knowing me , and i know i won`t forget you.

I love you (:

; Say you want to give this a chance , and i`ll forget everything and come running back to you.
SharenCaur.

Monday, December 28, 2009 { Monday, December 28, 2009 }

I`m busy trying to kill myself.

Goodbye (:

Saturday, December 26, 2009 { Saturday, December 26, 2009 }

; I`m picking myself up slowly from where we left off.

; & They all called me Barbie.

Hoho.
I had a very fun day .
Slept till 1 plus , woke up ..
Got ready and everything then headed over Pamela`s house for her X mas gathering with close friends.
Me , vickie , shaun , kov , pal & pamela decided to go down slack .
Shaun didn`t come though .. he stayed home.
I think he was gg out .
yeye , the grandma house
So me and pamela took like a million pichas.
which are alrdy uploaded on fb !
We took a group picture also .
Haks , then vickie like dont want take pic.
So i forced him to sit beside me and take a picture.
He did it , and like after a zillion times he finally liked 1 picture.
he is such a girl i swear : D
Kovalan and pal left later on , but then pal came back.
Haks , then we slacked all the way.
Then we decided to chow .
Pal sent me off , but then we decided to slack again.
So the two of us slacked.
Haks , then after talking , he sent me halfway then he made his way to aaron`s place i think.
Came home , and cousins , aunty and uncle were at my house.
So talked shit with them all , then sham called me , talked to him .. uploaded some pictures , then i went down to sent the rest off .
yeah.
& the your column !
are you really busy ?
Are we wasting our time ?
Nopes , i`m not hurt .. I`m just wondering , did i do something wrong?
Did i say something that upset you ? , I`m just confused cause no text , calls , msn .. Nothing.
Hope you`r fine.
Someone has been avoiding me for 2 days already.
It`s okay , i messaged them also got no reply.
So nvm , its cool .
Do what you want , i know i can control this .
I`m strong , i know i am .
but still , ignoring ? ; seriously ?
I`m heartless ... Maybe he took tht to heart.
Okayys.
Song song song .
Song for this time ..
Hmmmmmm .
Got it !

Fight for this love - Cheryl Cole.

Too much of anything can make you sick
Even the good can be a curse, curse
Makes it hard to know which road to go down
Knowing too much can get your hurt
Is it better, is it worse
Are we sitting in reverse
It's just like we're going backwards
I know where I want this to go
We're driving fast but lets go slow
What I don't want to do is crash, no

Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quit is out of the question
When it gets tough, got to fight some more
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for

Now everyday ain't gonna be no picnic
Love ain't no walk in the park
All you can do is make the best of it, now
Can't be afraid of the dark

Just know that you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quit is out of the question
When it gets tough, got to fight some more
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for

I don't know where we're heading
I'm willing and ready to go
We've been driving so fast, we just need to slow down
And just roll

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quit is out of the question
When it gets tough, got to fight some more
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for

Friday, December 25, 2009 { Friday, December 25, 2009 }

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL !

; Will be short cause i`m very sleepy and tired.
I`m shagged.

Actually when i was reading the text , realized how heartless ..
I got abit angry.
Actually pissed off.
Then i was like ...
Wth luh , how many days i never talk then i kena until like that.
Then then , i replied normally.
But i did have a heart , i did ask u to sleep.
I was kidding around , and he took it to heart.
I went shopping today - BORING.
Robbinsons , some shopping mall , idk the name .. in somerset.
Then , went to suntec city , helped out there.
Wah , it was very packed and so much to wrap.
Yeah , then like waited very long for the bus.
I`m tired.
I`m seriously very tired.
I think i`ll be sleeping early today.
hahaks , nahs.
I bought 2 dresses .
Darn nice luh.
Planning to go movie tomorrow ?
Not sure yet. I`m thinking ... where he sia ?
No reply nothing .. Nvm.

I tell you first :
I`m not slack , there are certain things that you do which i dont like.
But i just don`t say anything cause i`m afraid you`ll say i control you.
I am diffrent , but afterall , there will be something about me which is in every girl.
So yeah. I not sure why u never reply .. Either you busy or you`r sleeping.
I wont disturb , i`ll give you your space.

Haks , no time for song lyrics all.
too tired.

& I`ll mend your broken heart with mine.
LovesLoves.
MerryXmas.
SharenCAUR.

Labels: I

Thursday, December 24, 2009 { Thursday, December 24, 2009 }

; I LOST MY RUBBER BAND !!
=(

haks , after a year , it has decided to leave me today.
HAHA , i`m talking as if my boyfriend just broke up with me -.-
Okays , moving on since SOME PEOPLE WANTS ME TO GET OVER IT ! .
rawr.

I slept at 6 am , woke up at 10 am.
Jaspreet came over then we headed to serangoon central first.
Then we went dover , we ended up in tamp though .. took a train to dover then.
SO BLOODY LONG LA ! JASPREET`S FAULT : D
Did the ite thing.
which could have been done at home.
But noooooo , daddy wanted me to go there.
Yeah wasted my day there.
Then when over to suntec to give my friends a suprise.
Haks , met aladin , uzair , lia
basically i was so happy to see everyone.
Jaspreet left to meet karthik , etc etc.
After that awhile later , headed to serangoon north.
Met pamela . Then ate under the block.
Dennis randomly text me..
Was damn weird , he mentioned our past.
Wth ?
Okays moving on .
Cousin came over , then simi and parmesh came over.
Then , me , my bro , tan , simi and parmesh went over to changi.
Had dinner , lepaked , see the ferry thingie.
Then went to find for AHA.
but cannot .. dont have ! =(
Then headed back , slacked awhile , then sent parmesh off.
Tomorrow , i`m going robbinsons.
God save me , i`ve been gg out the whole week.
Just kill me =(

Boo you , finally finally , finally.
Back to normal.
I hope this`ll last.
Softie , best be soft forever .
Go play your feeeeeeefa.

With love love .
SharenCAUR!
xoxo.

Happy song .. hmm lemme think .
LALA - Ashlee Simpson.

You can dress me up in diamonds
You can dress me up in dirt
You can throw me like a line-man
I like it better when it hurts

Oh, I have waited here for you
I have waited

You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be your french maid
When I'll meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream

You can meet me on an aeroplane
Or in the back of the bus
You can throw me like a boom-a-rang
I'll come back and beat you up

Oh, I have waited here for you
Dont keep me waiting

You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be your french maid
When I'll meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be your french maid
When I'll meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream

I feel safe with you
I can be myself tonight
It's alright, with you
Cause you hold my secrets tight
You do, You do

You make me wanna lala lala..
You make me wanna lala lala..

You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be your french maid
When I'll meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be your french maid
When I'll meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream

You make me wanna lala.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009 { Wednesday, December 23, 2009 }

; A broken heart is a heart that has felt love.
; Mine`s broken , is your`s?

; You can only push a girl for so long
until she walks out of your life on her own
So becareful and make sure this is what YOU want
Because once she turns around ; She isn`t Coming back.

Wah i`m in so much pain right now .
It`s killing me ... Not emotional pain , physical pain.
I hope i get better soon , if not this is going to give me a headache.
i`m going Dover tomorrow , for the Ite dental thing -.-
So far sia , gonna die siol.
Went toa pa yoh today . Haks .
First went to nichaal`s house to return her charger.
Kept ringing her bell : P , even after she opened the door.
Haks , she was getting ready , and i was like wanting her to hurry.
Then go toh pa yo .
Priya was an ass.
She made me enter Mac with her .. Then i asked her , what ya wanna eat.
She replied , oh we eating here ... then i was like .. Where u wanna eat.
She said Kfc , or maybe the coffeshop ontop. so i didn`t mind ... we walked to Kfc..
Then she said , eh here dont have the chicken thing.. i said , zinger ? she said nono . OH YA ! in burgerking... and macdonald was beside BURGERKING. so basically we were there in the first freaking place. Then she was like or maybe the Coffeshop .
I said , any freaking thing , i haven`t eaten properly for days and i`m starving.
So we finally ate at burger king.
Naren took his sweet time to come -.-
Haks , we went sky garden.
took like funneh pichas luh.
Naren was like this the lamest thing i`ve done !
Haks , there`s a first for everything.
Okay after writting all this , i`m still in pain.
Bitch !
hahaks . Had a quarel with sham.
He said the wrong thing , and i got pissed.
but i already warned him , tht my mood is bad for the past few days , dont piss me.
Sighs , i hate the fact that i`m pushing away my loved ones just cause of anger.
That`s all i guess.

; I want to be able to look at you & not feel my heart breaking .
SharenCAUR.

Do you know what it feels like , loving someone that`s in a rush to throw you away?
I know : D

Love , You`ll never know the minute it ends suddenly.
You left cause u said , you doubt you`ll ever feel for me as much as i feel for you.
Good reason , hopefully this makes ur heart think and not your mind for once.
Your problem was , from the start you never followed your heart .
You always followed what your mind wanted , but what about your heart ?
I`m sure it has a diffrent opinion.
My mind and heart were`nt on the same page when i decided to like you.
But i followed my heart thinking , i know i can try to change my mind`s thinking.
Being with you was all that mattered at that time.
but none of this matters now , so moshimoshi.
; The sweetest pleasure is pain.
No matter how hard i tried , i can`t live without you in my life
Maybe you`ll say you still want me ; Maybe you`ll say that you dont.
Maybe we said that it was over ; Maybe i can`t just let you go.
I walk around trying to understand where we went wrong & i can`t pretend.
It wasn`t me , it wasn`t you but , but i`m convinced we gave up to soon.
Nothing left to lose after losing you
There`s nothing i can take.
I wrote your name on the sand ; but the waves whispered it away.
It`s okay uh boy , what`s meant to be will always find it`s way.
i don`t wanna say much.
one day i`ll be strong .. , i hope.
Don`t be too late.

I`m not perfect , i`ll annoy you
Piss you off , say stupid stuff and take it back
but put that all aside and i`m sure you will see
You`ll never find a girl that cares and loves you
more then me.

The Veronica`s - I can`t stay away.

This is wrong
I should be gone
Yet here we lay
'Cause I can't stay away
Roses bloom
In your dirty room
I come to play
'Cause I can't stay away
No I can't stay away-ay

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I was numb
For you I come
Night and day
And I can't stay away
No I can't stay away

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I wish I could
Leave and never return
Baby, I know I should
But for you I burn

Stay away
'Cause I can't stay away-ay

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I can't stay away
I can't stay away
I can't stay away, I can't stay away

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 { Tuesday, December 22, 2009 }

Wah for once i found the song that fits me in the perfect situation.
and i was like freaking shocked.
Haks , i`m gonna write the lyrics up .
And you`ll know exactly.

Avril Lavigne - Why.

Why, do you always do this to me
Why, couldn't you just see it through me
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe
I was the only one to fall

I can feel I can feel you near me
Even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby
Why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

Are you and me still together
Tell me
You think we could last forever
Tell me
WhyHey
Listen to what we're not saying
Let's play
A different game then what we're playin'
Try
To look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe, I'm gonna let us fall apart

I can feel I can feel you near me
Even when you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby
Why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

Are you and me still together
Tell me
You think we could last forever
Tell me
Why

so go and think about
whatever you need to think about
Go on dream about
Whatever you need to dream about
Then come back to me
When you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel I can feel you near me
Even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby
Why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

Are you and me still together
Tell me
You think we could last forever
Tell me
Why

About to head out with priya and the rest.
I can`t just stay home and rot everyday.
Going shopping tomorrow with mommy , simi , and bal.
Yay , girl`s day out : D
And i know that i don`t have to pay for anything i like , cause mom`s there.
If i were to open my eyes to reality , i realize my life isn`t really that bad.
I don`t need someone beside me , or maybe that`s what i think.
Well , simple .. i`ll go back to my old ways , playaaa :D
I don`t mind playing with hearts , well all`s fair .
I got mine broken , and how can a broken heart be broken again?
I`m fine btw , dont keep thinking i aint.
Brokenbrokenbroken.
But no , i`m going to show everyone i`m strong.
Though i very well know i`m not.
I know every time the name`s mentioned i`ll feel as though something poked my heart.
But i wont show that i`m affected.
I know when i`m alone , all the memories good or bad will make me cry , but i`ll still live.
Imma let nothing affect me.
Cause everything fades away within time .
Even hurt , and i know one day this will go away , and when it does that scar will appear
And then it`ll remind me i once loved you.
But i know for sure , not all scars leave behind a permanent mark.
Hopefully this does`nt either.
But i guess we have to still see each other no matter how hard we try to avoid each other.
If i`m gg over to meet ur bro , or u all come over.
It`s okay , i already thought about that.
I`ll act as if i`m met you for the first time.
I don`t even have to talk to you.
Yeah yeah , u ask why like tht.
but u know it kills me inside to even write my decisions down.
Well i`m heading out .
Tata`s .
& I wanna be able to look at him , smile and say Hey, what`s up ... without me dying inside.
SharenCAUR! (:

{ Tuesday, December 22, 2009 }

You know every time you leave my life , it hurts more then whatever reason you have hurt me for before.
Our small quarrels are nothing as hurtful compared to our goodbyes.
I don`t want you to go away , cause i just want to know that i have you beside me every single day.
I miss you more then ever , i love you more then how much i used to .
For once i didn`t hurt myself at all , i managed to control my emotions not letting them controlling me.
And you taught me that , i learned tht from you , cause i rmb you once left me cause of tht ,
And i promised myself , i won`t do that ever again.
I promised you also , remember ?
See , i kept to it .
Been here all along for you , been here all along to understand you .
Will be here all the while to love , never will i leave you.
Though how many times you say you wanna let me go , i know i`ll hold on to you and i wont let go off you.
There is so much i can say , but i dont want .
cause i know u dislike clingy girls .
I can say more to express my feelings but i`ll pass on that.

Whatever the situation is , i`ll always be here for you alright.
I`m making this short and simple.
WithLove.
Sharen Caur.
Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me
Are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me
I'm reaching out for you

Beautiful - Eminem

I'm just so fucking depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump, but I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up, in order for me to pick the mic back up
I don't know how or why or when, I ended up in this position I'm in
I'm startin' to feel distant again, so I decided to just pick this pen
Up to try to make an attempt to vent, but I just can't admit
Or come to grips with the fact that I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet
And I know some shits so hard to swallow, but I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow, but I know one fact, I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow, I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow, but you got to walk a thousand miles

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside eachothers minds
Just to see, what we find, look at shit through eachothers eyes
But don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
Don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humour
Everything's so tense and gloom, I
Almost feel like I gotta check the temperature of the room
Just as soon as I walk in, It's like all eyes on me, so I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that it then it opens the door for conversation, like I want that
I'm not looking for extra attention, I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room, maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fuckin' man servant, tryna follow me around and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack, and half of them ain't even funny, like "AAHHHHH!
Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn!"
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down, listen to the tale I'm about to tell, hell
We don't gotta trade our shoes, and you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside eachothers minds
Just to see, what we find, look at shit through eachothers eyes
But don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
Don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

Nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves, and flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could of either just sat on my ass, and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in, and get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
Or sat on the porch and hoped and prayed for a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in in every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me, keep making that face til it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there holding my tounge, tryna talk like BLEGH!
Then I stuck my tounge on that frozen stop sign pole at eight years old
I learned my lesson then, 'cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story, not just based off my description
Cause where you see it form where you're sitting, is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a miles in eachothers shoes at least
What size you wear, I wear 10's, let's see if you can fit your feet

In my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside eachothers minds
Just to see, what we find, look at shit through eachothers eyes
But don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
Don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me
Are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me
I'm reaching out for you

Yeah, to my babies, stay strong, dad will be home soon
And to the rest of the world... God gave you them shoes, to fit you
So put them on and wear them... be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny... don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful

Monday, December 21, 2009 { Monday, December 21, 2009 }

; Mrs.Yao , Laura , Me , Hans & Mr Chan.
Mr Chan should be so proud cause i never passed science and i finally did : D

; Look at our happy faces : D All got promoted .

{ Monday, December 21, 2009 }

Yawn yawn yawn , tireeeed!
Jaspreet woke me up saying , she , kiran , tia , karthik were under my block.
So woke up bathe and when i called em , they said come to Hg , wah sort.
So walked there , they were eating kfc , i passed on that.
So after tht , walked back to my block , slacked at the coffeshop.
Something damn hilarious happened. Won`t elaborate on tht , cause promised her.

Applying for the damn ite thing is like so irritating la.
then i keep getting stupid mosquito bites. ALL OVER MY BODY.
dammit.
I`m feeling much better , i managed to get my appetite : D
Simi is coming over so YAY.
Parmesh also , like finally after so long.

I feel bad , i`m sorry if i was to harsh.
Dammit , i didn`t mean to use all those bombastic words.
Sighs , guess i suck!
:D
Michael J - Smile.
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile , even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky , you`ll get by
If you smile with your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You`ll find that life`s still
worthwhile if you`ll just
Light up your face in gladness
hide every trace of sadness
although a tear may be ever so near
That`s the time you must keep on trying
Smile , what`s the use of crying
You`ll find that life is still worthwhile
if you just smile though your heart is aching
smile even though it`s breaking
when there are clouds in the sky
you`ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
smile and maybe tomorrow
you`ll find that life is still worthwhile
if you''ll just smile.
That`s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what`s the use of crying
You`ll find that life is still worthwhile
if you just smile.

Second post ; bored bored bored.
Logging off ,
SharenCAUR!

{ Monday, December 21, 2009 }

; Oh so badly does it sting.

Went bowling today , took pictures but then wont be uploading.
So unglam.
I wasn`t feeling well , i did`nt want to go , but dad forced me , and no one else seem to have been bothered , everyone was like just go just go .
If i would have freaking fainted how ? , No one understands.
The amount of pain i went through just to make everyone happy .
After the 4th game , i was in serious pain , it was so unbearable , i went to the toilet to cry.
No one was there for me , i did`nt want to ruin anyone`s mood , therefore i remained silent.
I tried controlling the pain , but i couldn`t . Then i asked dad for his car keys , talked to sham , and then i cried on the phone again , i just kept saying i wanna go home.
I did`nt eat the whole freaking day thanks to this. It was so hard to eat.
I drank ice lemon tea and took 4 bites of the food and that was my meal for the day.
I`m feeling like shit now , seriously , I have no mood , i`m sad for no reason .
And no one freaking bothers.
Thanks sham for calling me and wasting your prepaid , meant loads loads :D
Thanks karthik for being there : D
You best buy me my burger before you come my house tomorrow !

My poem ; i wrote it myself.

; I gave you my all , but you just didn`t care overall.
I wanted you so bad , the amount of tears i`ve shed.
Have you ever once cared ? , Haven`t you felt bad?.
Never have i been played out this much , i yearn for your touch.
All i wanted was a chance for us , but i get i should just let all this be my horrible past.
I tried so hard to understand you , look at how fast time flew.
Guess i`m never fit to be with you , Fixing the pieces of my broken heart with glue.
I`m falling apart once again , this will leave on my heart an unremovable stain.

Just keep on not bothering if you really want to lose me .
One day , this hurt will go away , though the scar will remain behind and remind me that the person i once loved the most , never really loved me back , but yet the scar is a big one , and hurts everytime i touch it.♥
So much for saying you aint leaving , never.
So much for saying you aint gonna let go.
I don`t wanna break you no more.. i see that u have put so much into this .. i haven't and i`m willing to put in as much right now.
Oh yeah , you are putting in ALOOOOT of effort.
You aren`t even trying.
U don`t want to break me no more ? , i`m hurt again .
You know , i don`t blame you , it`s a chore for me to get hurt . A daily routine.
Yeah you are a hard person to understand , but somehow i managed to put that behind and still try my best.
How much can i put in you tell me ? , it works two ways.
I feel so hurt you know , it`s like every word i`m typing , my heart just drops .
So much space given , yet i still don't get what is wrong.
What i lack to please you.
I really feel like crying and sometimes giving up .
But i know i won`t give up .
I did`nt the first time , i won`t now , and i will never.
its like you want me to hate you.
You enjoy life , without even thinking there is someone who stays up almost the whole night just to receive your text message .
After getting it , it makes her happy and she`s able to sleep.
Even though she`s ill , she still waits , hoping that everyday the text will come earlier and earlier.
Don`t feel guilty cause i never told you any of this , i did`nt want to .
But then it sucks , i put in so much love , effort and care and seriously nothing comes back in return.
Only waiting , waiting , waiting.
You simply avoid replying when i start a quarrel.
Which never helps things get better.
I`m lost .
Seriously lost.
How can someone not feel anything after knowing how much a girl loves em ?
It`s called heartless , which i really hope you`r not.

Trying to fix the broken pieces.
Hoho.
SharenCAUR.

Sunday, December 20, 2009 { Sunday, December 20, 2009 }

Cramps , flu . & headache.
Oh yea , perfect time for me to be sick =(

So freaking annoying , it`s like water stuck in my nose.
dammit.
Have not eaten cause it hurts , sighs. !
Had Another round of Monopoly last night , bro and ricky.
I know my brother very well . He has to win , if not his face , mood all will change.
And he`ll be damn serious until he finally wins again.
The funny thing was when he was loosing last night.
That look on his face - PRICELESS !
haks , k i`ll stop talking about my brother.
Sham called me at 5 am + , we talked till like 6.30 plus ? , yeah.
Woke up at 3pm today , Still sick.
Pamela`s working todayyy , sighs!
I suddenly have a craving for Kit kat.
i doubt we`ll be gg bowling today , not sure yet.
Booooooo ya !

I kept thinking to myself last night , is this true ?
All of a sudden everything was in place .
But now it suddenly feels it`s not again
When i said text me once u`r home , you said u will .
You didn`t even text. And i`m still waiting for ur text.
I`m not gg to be the first one to text , since you said , you are gg to put in as much effort as i did.
So try , you ain`t serious? , Be serious .
You can`t say those three words , Learn to say it.
Cause it all matters , and i know you can do it .
Never leaving is what u said , idk if u were drunk or anything but whatever it is.
You have to put in this effort.
Cause i did not go through a whole lot of hurt for no reason.
I`m not gg to say much.
But after those msgs ,
You changed my life into a fairytale (:

& I love you.
XoXo,
SharenCAUR!.

Saturday, December 19, 2009 { Saturday, December 19, 2009 }

; It`s like a past time to get hurt over & over again.

Well basically i`m freaking bored thts why i`m posting two times. This is what happens when u update ur blog in the middle of 2-3 am and when u having nothing to do at 5pm. Haks , i`ll be going down to meet viinod soon , catch up. Had fun last night , kiran , my brother and karthik . We were up playing Monopoly . ! haks wth right ! It was awesome though , like i wasn`t concentrating , was more into taking webcam pics of myself. before the monopoly , kiran and my bro were playing the ps3 while i was using karthik`s msn and chatting to half of his friends. Used his facebook account to write me comments : D so evil right ? . hahaks , DEAL WITH IT ! Kiran went back around 4.45am plus , the rest played till 6am in the morning , then karthik left and i went to my room and started thinking of certain stuff which really hurt , after 10 mins or so , i fell asleep : D . Woke up at freaking 4pm sia. Well had shower , ate then watched tv , planning to go down soon. I might be gg bowling tomorrow with the entire family , dad`s idea cause of the N lvl thingie , cousins agreed to it , so yeah we`ll see ? .

If you read this .
I am hurt , infact very hurt , but if this is what you really want then i guess i can`t do much.
I don`t want to be a leech and beg you to give this a chance . Though i just want to say a last thing.
You`ll never know if you can commit to something unless you try
Don`t give urself a chance in the future to look back and say , what if i had give us a try .
Now that`ll suck. I have already done everything i could in this , so i`m backing out.
I already told you , christmas . Though all this tht has happened , i`ll still wait till christmas.
After that , you can live your life the way you want to and i`ll live mine the way i want to.
I have learned that goodbyes will always hurt , pictures will never replace having been there , memories good and bad will bring tears and Words can NEVER replace feelings.
Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in your heart that only love can fill.
It`s weird when i know the end of something great is coming , but i still want to hold on , just for one more second just so it can hurt a little more.
You know me more then you think you know , just as you know less than you want to know.
I`v been hurt that one time where the place tries to heal a bit , but i just pull the scar off of it over and over again.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.

Here`s a classic one i just thought of
; If i never met you , i wouldn't like you. If i didn't like you , i wouldn`t love you.
If i didn`t love you i wouldn`t miss you. But i did , i do & i will.
My friend once told me that ; Love is when you shed a tear and still want him , it`s when he ignores you and you still love him , it`s when he loves another girl but you still smile and say i`m happy for you when all you actually do is cry.
yeah i`m smiling but deep down inside damn , i`m dying.
I think i`ve over expressed how shitty i`m feeling and that`s all for today.
This isn`t to make you feel guilty , it`s just how fucked i`m feeling and i dont think i should hide my feelings as this is my only way of expressing myself.

With No love ,
SharenCAUR.

{ Saturday, December 19, 2009 }

& SHAREN CAUR PASSED HER DANG N LVLS , WITH A EXACT DANG SCORE OF 19 POINTS. :D

You ask the weirdest questions when u already know the answers , you never once stop to think how i`m feeling ? , yeah ask yourself.
Dang i`m pissed of at rishi , i know tht u fucking betrayed my trust , You want to care about ur ex girlfriend and diss me right ? , fine go ahead cause i for one cannot be bothered.

As for the other one , im sorry for having to hurt you but it really sucks to be in a situation where i dont know if we can even be together or not .? i don`t even know what you want in this situation .
You keep avoiding it , the only reason i `m staying back its cause i feel for you aite.

idk , your choice , thats all i have been saying from the start .
Decide fast , cause once a thing is gone , it`ll never come back.
I came back cause i wanted this chance. And now i dont even know what my chance is going to turn out to be.

Goodbye , Goodnights.
SharenCAUR!

Friday, December 18, 2009 { Friday, December 18, 2009 }

; Even you were a lie

I`m feeling a little weird .
Like ever since i rebonded my hair , i`v been getting '' oh damn hot'' all the way .
But it feels so shitty , like when i had curls u couldn't`t notice me ? , There are those who still love me like how they used to , that is why i don't like people who judge , it`s so irritating .
Well tomorrow is the big day !
Booms - N level Results , we all know i ain't gg to do well , so best be prepared.
I know even though i`m not gg to pass , i still am sad that mom and dad will be hurt.
Sighs , I`m sorry mom and dad .
It`s so hard for me to ever make u guys proud of me , it`s like i`v been a disappointment to you ever since birth , and i know that someday you`ll be proud of me (:

You changed up your make up your DNA .
i can`t recognise you`r a stranger to me.
Get me out of here , cause my eyes are burning from these silly tears.
Someone get me out of this place.

Your heart is so cold and now i`m freezing.
It`s so hard to understand you , why u being so difficult to be with , to love ?
U say you like me , but you simply don`t show it , nor do you even bother to TRY and show it either. I don`t know what your motive is , breaking me ? , trying to tell me that i can only remain miserable my whole life? , I for one thought u were so different , i thought u were better then the others , but now it seems you are just the same , you are no different , i can`t see any difference at all.
I wish i could rip out a page of my memory.
Can`t wait for me to get through this stage.
Patience running out , i`m having nightmares.
This love is taking all of my energy .
Such a mystery when he`s here with me.
This ain't how we were suppose to be.
Why did you change so much ? , it`s killing me to think we can be the same , it`s killing me to even think we could be like before.
It kills me to think you were the person i thought i once knew.
You aren`t the person i first knew , Wake up i know you are somewhere in this disguise.

Goodbye , and i really hope you bother changing.
Not cause i asked you to , cause you want to.
See the change in yourself and you`ll know.
Love ,
SharenCAUR!

Thursday, December 17, 2009 { Thursday, December 17, 2009 }

& yeah , it`s been 3 days since i got fired , and i`m happy about it .
Enough of waking up early :D

The amount of faces you have ; uncountable.

This said of love that it sometimes goes, sometimes flies ; runs with one , walks gravely with another ; turns a third into ice , and sets a fourth in a flame : it wounds one , another it kills : like lightning it begins and ends in the same moment : it makes that fort yield at night which it besieged but in the morning ; for there is no force able to resist it.
Never try to define love ; Once defined love is confined.
Once confined ; It dies.

I don`t know why the sudden randomness in this topic but it feels good to let everything out case the only way i can express my feelings are through words.
Though it seems complicating i know there are some who can understand these phrases.

Love is an emotion experienced by many and enjoyed by few.
How many times have you cheated my feelings? , how many times i`ve stayed up late at night not being able to sleep ?
Yes i may seem happy but that is just to show you guys i`m fine cause i`m in this alone , ii dont want anyone else to go down with me. I`m strong i know i am , it`s just i can show it when i`m alone. Its like i dont even make an effort to try when i`m alone , i let myself sit one side and cry , and then watch myself hurt again .
How many times must i watch myself getting judged for my past mistakes ?
Everyone beggs for second chances so why can`t i get mine too ? It`s an unfair game where i can never be the winner , and it`s so unfair.

You never noticed me , but you always notice the one who never cares.
You always ignore the ones who adore you and adore the ones who ignore you .
You complained and stated its time to love the ones who`ve always been there , i don`t see you following those words ? How about the amount of shit i`ve done while u were gg through ur misery ?
When you were in hospital ? , you never thought of that did you ? , didn`t think so .
Why would you even care ? You`ve got so many other friends , losing one also would never make a diffrence , but all i can say is , everything i did , no girl would ever do it for you , i was true , you couldn`t care less.

Going under ,
driving you , i`m falling forever ; got to breakthrough.
Go on and scream ; SharenCAUR!.
Nights.

Saturday, December 05, 2009 { Saturday, December 05, 2009 }

4TH FEB 1994 - 3RD DECEMBER 2009.
R.I.P my dear , i`ll never forget you , i miss you so so much and i cant belive i lost you.
You were my soni kuri , Whose gg to stand up for me now ? , When i heard Jag Soona Soona Lage just now , i started crying terribly cause my bby won`t be beside my saying my cousin sister ah this one , my cousin sister ! I`m slowly trying to absorb all of this , and and akshay consoled me , your hottie :D He had to hold me you know ? cause i was crying terribly for you , Darling where ever you are i`ll always love you.
I lost a friend , a very good friend whom i`ve known for 3 years and everything we have done together will remain a memory , it`s like i lost a piece of my heart when she passed on , i can`t belive that she left us all and went , though i know she is in a better place , i truly will miss her , Jessmyn i cried for you , you know ! SharenCAUR u noe ! cry , bby all the fun times we had , remember , how we were arguing whose date messed up hunk was for the day , how we used to fight in punjabi school with the sec 1-2`s all , hahaks , bby fun times la , how we would walk around punjabi school and end up getting in trouble with Mr.gill . I remember everything , the kisses and everything the huggs , how we would eat Nasi lemak together all , sit with the guys all , hahaks .
Baby , you looked very very beautiful today you know ? , It hurts to know you are gone darling , cause u were only 15 and i have never lost anyone in my life and it hurts alot that u had to be the first , i love you alot okay , don`t worry you`ll be fine okays , god will takecare of you , And and u noe , Taspal , Nichaal , Priya , Kiran , Oriana , Pooja , Shashu , Rishi , Randhir , Manveer , Pal singh, Harmesh , Me , Choti , Akshay, sonias , gurpreet , param , Amrit , Nadia we all miss you and love you so so much , Princess , darling , baby , laling , jaan , love .
You are my everything . (:
Iloveyou Jessmyn Dhillon , always.